Mind your own messy

Anyone that knows me can tell you that the one thing I do not handle well is a mess.  I like things neat and in order...all the time. I like the dishes to be done, the beds to be made, the floor to be swept, everything in its place.  That which others see has to be tidy but what they don't see, like whats inside me, is a giant mess most of the time. It is a big ball of disarray.  My heart and my head hardly ever agree, and my feelings get in the way.  I'm pushed and I'm pulled in a million directions...and that's usually before I make it out the door for the day.  But my mess, unless I choose to tell someone, stays my mess.  Nobody knows the thoughts I have, or the feels I have that day or the constant daydreams I find myself in (like those ever come true anyways). So I am faced with the question...why the mess?  If I like everything in order, why do I let my life become a mess?

As I was sitting down and reading and gathering information for this post, I realized that I while I tend to keep to myself about the thoughts and feelings I have, I'm not hiding anything from God.   He already knows everything I think and everything I feel, and those daydreams I have are no secret either.  Have to admit I am a little ashamed about some things.  Probably not too pleasing.

So this mess...I know that God has a plan for my life. He has engineered this wonderful, glorious plan for me and I am too impatient to let it come to fruition.  I tell myself every day, that when something bad or less desirable happens to me, it's because God wants to mold or shape me somehow, not just let me be heartbroken. He wants good things for me.  So I constantly tell myself to trust God with the mess I have once again created. And you would think with my aversion to disarray, I would do this easily....WRONG!

God wants us to praise him in our storms (messes).  He collects our tears and holds us tight.  He desires a life with us beyond compare.  It's just our job to let him work. He is the ultimate manager of life and if we let him take over,  good things can happen.  He can fix it! It's hard to sit back and wait on his timing for some things. We are required to be open to him, to hear him, and to respond to him.  If we can't open our hearts, perhaps that is why the mess is still there.

Today in Church I heard a really good sermon about starting over and how God is fighting for me. He wants me to have a relationship with him that isn't lukewarm. He wants me to be all in, on fire for him all the time.  While Kyle was preaching, I was thinking about all the energy I have devoted to changing my physical appearance, and all those daydreams I have placing people in my life that probably don't need to be there. I thought about how exhausted I am keeping up the facade of this mess I am always in.  So Kyle told us to work out, press on and dig deep. Now when I heard those phrases, my mind automatically went to some insanity work out video because it's all about putting the work in.  If I am willing to work hard on the physical, I should be willing to work harder on the spiritual.

So after the sermon today, I spend the better part of the day cleaning up messes.  Literally... like busting out tile to take care of a leak in my shower kind of mess. But while I was doing that, I knew I had to clean the others areas up as well.  Physically my body needs exercise and proper nutrition. Spiritually my body needs fed with a lot prayer, worship and bible reading.  I need to get intimate with Jesus every single day.  I need to be open to him and let him work.  Those daydreams? The people I think about?  Well I guess if they are supposed to be in my life, God is gonna put them there. No need to think about things I can't control.  So I am again making some changes.  I am making my inside match my outside.  Its time to put the social media hooplah aside, its time to stop checking statuses and being all up inside everyone else's mess. It's time for me to mind my own messy and get it cleaned up!

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

 If you would like to hear the sermon from today, please visit www.newpoint.church 

Build my life...

So I am going to pose a hypothetical here.  Say there is this girl (and it could be a guy) who is alone more often than she chooses.  She has a ton of friends and family but sometimes late at night in the solitude of her home, she often finds herself sitting on the couch watching girly love driven movies, crying about failed relationships, hoping one day her life will fit somewhere in that fairy tale picture she created for herself.  She goes out with friends, she enjoys company of her family (ALOT), but something is missing (I'll come back to this...).

OK where do I start?  Fairy tales only exist in books. Our lives were created by the Lord Almighty and have a purpose.  What we choose to do with them is so on us.  So how do we get real?  Love does exist, it can and it will happen for you.  God knows every single detail about your life and he knows what he has in store for you.  So why do we get in the way?

I found this little quote on Pinterest and I loved it.

      My princess,
             Don't you believe that I know who you will marry and that I am capable of leading you to
             right person?
             Can you also believe that I am God of all creation. I know you better than you know
             yourself.
             I am perfectly able to bring this person into your life in my own time, in my own way,
             and I don't need your help.
      Love, God.

This was awesome.  I can imagine having a face time call with God and being told "you need to stop meddling in my work.  You need to let me do my thing."  I asked earlier why we get in the way.  Well the world is a scary place and we see happy couples all around us and its natural to want to have that also. But the world is worldy....a lot of times it isn't Godly.

It's so easy to like the attention from a guy ( or girl if you are a guy reading this) when we don't have that in our lives. The world makes it so easy to fall into something like that.  We crave it.  We like being liked.  We like being valued. It's easy to get wrapped up in conversations that probably won't transpire into anything, leaving us once again, sad and alone.  So why do we continue to do that?  Do we like to be sad?  LOL!! I know I don't.  We need to focus on the one person who will never ever forget us...GOD. See He is what is missing!!! He won't leave us. He is there when we are laying on the couch, crying, watching those stupid movies, or even having those conversations we know we shouldn't be having.

This week I had a wonderful conversation with a friend because I was a little down in the dumps. As we floated in her pool talking about relationships and such she made a comment that resonated so clear with me.  She said something along the lines of "find someone who is chasing God as much as you are."  If its meant to be it won't pass us. What are we chasing in that fairy tale we dream about and think about all the time? Do we think we are missing out on happiness? Do we honestly need the attention that much? Why are we so worried about it?  Why does it consume us? Matthew 6:25-27 is perfect. "I tell you, do not worry about your life..."

I have learned what you chase is what you become.  I know I want to chase God every day with all the energy that I have.  I want to find someone who chases after the same thing.  I want to stay right where I am until I find someone who loves God as much as I do.  And I guess, well I may have to wait a while.  And well that's ok. I am going to "build my life upon his love because its a firm foundation. And I am going to put my trust in him alone, and not be shaken. " I want to teach my son to wait and chase God first.  That it's ok to be alone until you find that special person.

But when I do find that Love, it will be so worth it.  It will be a front porch sitting, dancing in the rain, snowball throwing, laughing until I cry, fishing on a boat in the middle of the lake or laying on the couch watching a love story kind of love. But most importantly, it will be God's design and it can't be torn apart.

Aha...

Ever had one of those moments when you knew you were in a spiral headed no where? Where you were on the wrong track if even on a track at all? Ever lied to everyone around by saying you were fine, good, or ok? Ever had thoughts that you shouldn't? Ever used your time in a way you knew was not pleasing to the Lord?   Ever had that one moment where you hit the ground and bounced so hard it knocked the sense into ya? Well I think we all have those moments, even us as Christians.  It could a certain circumstance or something from the past but know it isn't the end of the world.  Today I read Romans 3:23 that says "we all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God."  How do you get back up?  How do you recover?  How do you get back on track?

One of the hardest things for me to do is to get real with God. I mean I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know.  But we have to get right with him. We have to come clean from the very behavior that threw us off track.  The peace that comes after talking to God is so good and so worth it! So cry and pour your heart out to God but get right with him.  Then ask for forgiveness. He needs to cleanse us and wash the sin from us and ultimately forgive us.  Think about David.  He kinda blew it with God but then got his life right.  He didn't make any deals with God, he didn't try to make his sin seem really small.  He changed his life and asked for forgiveness.  All sin big or small needs to be dealt with.  And then we really have to turn away from that behavior.  We have to own it.  God will forgive us and allow us a fresh start.  This start will guard our hearts and we won't want anything to do with that sin.

As Christians we can use our past transgressions to help others. We can have him use us and our sin to glorify Him, if we just let him. God loves us. He wants to forgive us and take our sin from us.  He wants to cleanse us and make us whole.  I guess I need to work on allowing him to work him me and truly experience his Love and power in my life.  I need a fresh start in God's grace.

Father, forgive me where I have failed you. Forgive me where I  have failed or upset others.  Forgive me for poor time management with time with you Lord and time with family.  I have used my time to seek gratification in the world and not you Lord.  Please cleanse me and make me new in your eyes.  Make me a vessel for you Lord and show others your kindness and compassion. Minimize any consequence from my sin Lord.  Allow for relationships to be rebuilt to honor you. Thank you Jesus for eye opening experiences and friends you have placed in my life.  I love you Jesus. Amen.

When tragedy strikes...

This is gonna be a tough one...I think I had to type that to remind myself to get the Kleenex.

Tragedy stinks. There's no way to sugar coat it.  It seems to hit when you are already down and clouds your vision.  It is often gut wrenching and debilitating. But we heal and get over it.  For me, when my life was turned upside down, I never saw a silver lining and it seemed I should just camp out in my misery BECAUSE IT KEPT RAINING.  Ever had one of those days where everything went wrong. Like it started bad and didn't get any better.  That was my life a few years ago.

My mom always said there would be mountains and valleys and that if we kept our eyes open God would be there, right alongside us.  Valleys are dark and covered in fear.  But I swear I was content there. My rationale was that if I was already in a valley, how could I possibly experience another fall from the mountain. The roller coaster lifestyle wasn't for me.  I prefer the easy road.  I was mad.  I was vengeful. I was sad. I was BROKEN. Into a million pieces.  Every see a window break?  All those little fragments of glass flying every where.  We often clean up the big pieces and put on a pretty face but its those little slivers that are hiding we forget about until something happens to remind us and we find ourselves once again cut and bleeding.

Pretty picture huh?  You could put my face next to that paragraph and it would describe me perfectly. I was really good at smiling and acting like I was ok.  I could even tell you I was.  But the nights I was alone, crying myself to sleep. The bottomless ache in my stomach.  Those feelings you can't forget.

You know what I have learned?  IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME.  It just can't.  Every cloud has a silver lining.  The sun will shine. And I can smile.  Sometimes through tears, but I can and I have.

I knew that in order to get out of my self destruction I was going to have to listen to those around me who loved me, but more importantly, I was going to have to listen to God. The Bible tells us in John 16:33 some pretty awesome information.  "I have said these things to you; that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. "   And it gets better.  Romans 12:19 says, Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord."  The Bible was speaking truth to me and in volumes.

My all time favorite verse is Phil 4:13. Most of you know it but I had to live it.  "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me."  It was time to start the climb back up the mountain and know that even though another valley may follow, God was there right by me. It was time to start experiencing God's love and let him work.  IT WAS ABOUT TIME.

As I sat at the computer this morning, I think back to how long ago that time was.  It seems forever ago, but it only took reading one sentence on Facebook to send me back there. It took a bad meeting with a dear friend to bring out the clouds.  One of those little slivers of glass came out from hiding and I was hurt.  You see, I am trying to see how one person's tragedy can become another persons blessing. How can one person smile and be happy when another person is crying and broken? How can God allow hurt feelings to fester and scar friendships?  This morning as I sat, I read in Ruth. Verse 16 hit me upside the head.  "But Ruth replied, 'Don't urge me to leave you or to turn from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay, I will stay.  Your people will be my people and your God my God."

Like this we have to realize that God is there.  He will never leave us. Tragedy is painful but staying faithful to God allows him to work.  It allows him to show us that he is there.  It may just be the sunshine on some days but he is always there.  Tragedy doesn't take away responsibility and we have choices to decisions to make every single day. Are we going to grow from hard conversations?  Are we going to camp out in the valley and live there? Or are we going to strap on our boots and climb up the mountain, knowing God is holding the rope? We have to make the decision to stay with God.  He is already there and promises to stay with us.  

So how is my tragedy another person's blessing?  Well the way I see it is God knew what I needed when I needed it, even if it was hurtful and hard. He knew that decisions made would have consequences, even bad ones.  He knew that I would hit rock bottom.  But he also knew that I would get up with his help. What I lost someone else needed more.  God has a unique was of working things out and I CHOOSE to TRUST him.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero...

I can remember racing to the store to pick out the perfect card or purchasing a "dust collector" every year growing up for my dad.  Those cards seemed to say what I was feeling at the time.  But as I have grown and even had a child of my own, I realize that someone else's words can't take the place of mine.   My Dad.  Mike Brantley.  It's really hard to describe someone you honestly believe hung the moon. Someone that made sure I was safe every night growing up and worked so hard so that I could have "things".  Someone that would give his right arm to anyone who needed it. Someone that loves his family with his whole heart.  Adjectives can't allow one to feel what I have always known.

According to the dictionary,  a hero is someone noted for courageous acts or nobility of character. A person who has special achievements, abilities, personal qualities and is regarded as a role model or ideal.  The principal male character in a story.  The next line should simply read Mike Brantley.

My dad served his country and is a veteran of the Army National Guard. He knowingly signed up and put himself in harms way to protect his country.  I used to hate those weekends or weeks in the summer when he would have to go to "drill".  I never really understood it until I got pulled out of class as a Freshman in high school and was told he was being activated into war.  Then it got real.   But he went and served and never complained. My dad is my role model.  His simple life is one that should be written about and sold as a layout for success.  He works soooo hard and without declaration and reward. It's how he was taught and it's what he taught me. If I can convey even half of the lessons to my son, I will be successful. 

Sometimes life truly sucks. It's consuming and constricting and debilitating. And while I know my dad experiences frustration, pain and disappointment, he doesn't complain and dwell there. He doesn't live in misery. He simply finds a solution and moves on.  When I have gone astray and did my own thing, or gotten into a mess, he's never said I told you so.  He's never criticized me for my wrongdoing.  Notice I didn't say discipline. I got my fair share of that growing up. But even as an adult, I've never heard I told you so. He just met me where I was and built me up, teaching me yet another lesson I really couldn't/didn't convey at that time.  When my marriage fell apart and I had to learn to live as a single mom, my dad was so supportive. He and my mom guided me and helped me get back on my feet. 

So you see, I truly have the most amazing parents. I am lucky to have two people that love me unconditionally. 

This isn't a Hallmark card.  There is no use of adjectives and eloquent rhymes.  It's just real.  My dad has always been my hero and he always will be. People laugh when they hear the phrase, "daddy's little girl", but I assure it exists.  He taught me to fish and to change oil and I when I talk to him or watch him work, I get to see/hear my grandma through him. And well that's enough for me. I don't need things, I need him. Thank you dad for being who you are and never straying from that. I haven't always liked what I have been told, but know I have listened and I did learn. I'm excited for AJ to get to learn from his papa too!

Happy Father's Day!

I can see clearly now...

OK God, you win. I can't do it all by myself.  It's like the song by Celine Dion, "All by myself, I don't want to be, All by myself anymore....." LOL! Well kinda anyways.  This week has been extremely eye opening to me. I don't want to be myself that's for sure. But I have realized that I never really was.  God was there. Patiently waiting for me to get out of the way.  

I have hurt feelings. Some are unresolved, some I just deal with daily. And I have managed to put myself directly in Gods path for healing.  Along the way I'm pretty sure I have  hurt others peoples feelings also. 

So this leads me to today.  This morning was in itself full of emotions.  I cried, I laughed and felt blessed every minute. I am sure you are thinking it is hard to be blessed while crying but it's completely possible and entirely worth it.  I received a Facebook message from a friend letting me know I was on her heart this morning and in it was a reminder that I was "valuable" to her.  HOW ENCOURAGING!!!! And then an old friend sent me a message and I had to put my emotional, grudge carrying self aside to do what God told me to do.  After texting back and forth I saw that my friends need was way more important than the "me" I tend to get stuck on. So I started praying and I started doodling in my journal.  All my negative feelings were becoming positive! ANOTHER WIN!! I had a meeting scheduled this morning too. And I had mixed emotions about going.  Remember I was on a path of self and only thinking of myself but God was at work in me.  

Negativity can cloud vision.  Sin can cloud vision and block it completely.  I have been living in myself with blacked out sunglasses and everything has been about me. I couldn't see things right in front of me. Simple blessings God was placing in my every day path.  As I sat at the table this morning with my lovely cup of coffee, I opened my devotion.  The title today was Where Does my Confidence Come From? I read the words in Phil 3:1-11 and the sunglasses came off. I was so content bragging and boasting about my own achievements and making everything about me that I forgot this simple truth:  Our confidence must be firmly rooted in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We must understand all that he has done for us, all that we receive from him and all that he plans to accomplish through us.

So Today I will remain positive.  I will hold onto the fact that Jesus has my back and a pretty good plan for my life!  

Until tomorrow!  Blessings my friends~!

The First One

I have tossed around the idea of starting a blog several times but never started it.  But today as I was mowing the forest my backyard had become, I found myself actually laying out blog posts in my head.
So many things to write about...but for all that it's worth (or I hope it will be worth something to somebody), I have chosen to write about breaking free.  Chains are only good when needed but when the invisible kind tie you down and change who you are as a person, trust me they are no good.

As I was mowing, I was listening to a playlist created just for outside work and the song, Thy Will by Hillary Scott came on.  I think it resonates with all of us if we think about it.

I'm so confused 
I know I heard you loud and clear.
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

(the next verse really gets me)

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
Its hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I'm not...

I am gonna stop there because that's where this starts. I have to remember I am not God and that he has a plan for me and I have to stop interfering. So the first step is to just stop...right. Because it's that easy.  I need to Be still and know that he is God.

So here it is. My very first blog post.  Stay tuned for what's to come.  I am pretty sure I will shed a ton of tears and also laugh a little but I hope over the course of time, I draw a whole lot closer to God, my maker and my best friend.

Blessings