Second Monday...
I woke up this morning a little different. You were on my mind like most days. I scrolled through social media gradually got up to get through this day, a day that I know we would be spending together. These are the hardest. These days are mean. These days hurt.
I tell myself the hurt will get better but with every memory, the scab is torn open. How I long to lie to next to you, to kiss you, to hold you.
I want to mad. I deserve to be mad. But I'm not. I love too much to be mad at you. I just want you to realize you aren't alone in anything. The Father loves so so much. I just want to know where it went wrong? Where it got so messed up? Where you changed?
Talking to Matt yesterday was beneficial for me. Nobody understands. Not your friends or your family. Come back to me. Come back to me so we work through this together. Yesterday I went for a drive, something I have done so many times in the past couple weeks, and I was blinded by the tears, I lost control of my car for a moment. The sliding of my tires and the sound of gravel, my heart beating 100 beats a minute made me stop. What is wrong with me? That particular I was driving to your house. I was going to give some stuff back. But you weren't home. The gate locked...much like your heart.
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