Letters to him

Second Sunday...

The endless miles I continue to drive searching...for peace, for clarity, for a dam to stop the tears.  I replay every conversation in my head. I read notes I had written in my phone.  Same story, different day.  I just wanted to truly matter. I just wanted a fair shake.  I wanted to be loved like you loved her.  I'm nothing like her. I value you. I love you.  And I spent every day trying to prove that.

I woke early today as usual. No tears. But I did drive. I drove to see the sunrise. I would give anything to have viewed it from the top of your house. I would give anything to have watched it with you.

The wedding was yesterday.  I prayed so hard and I continue to pray for a miracle. My miracle. My love. My heart. Very selfish of me.   But I just get a feeling with you. That this is the icky part. This is our trial. This is something we have to get through. I pray that God keeps you pure in heart. I pray he keeps you honorable to your word. I pray he keeps you. Mostly I pray you keep him.

This unknown is that pain. The bone chilling, stabbing pain of the unknown. I would walk through fire for those I love, carrying buckets of water. For you, I'd carry two...