Where are you headed?

WARNING:  LONG POST THAT IS ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

So I have this app on my phone called Sprinkle of Jesus.   It sends these little snippets to my phone throughout the day. Today as I ran from one thing to the next, spreading myself entirely too thin, my phone beeped indicating I had another notification. Only this wasn't a call or a text. It was one quote plastered on the front of my phone and it read, "Be careful of people that try to keep you where they met you."  As my chaotic and cluttered life went on today, I kept thinking about what that quote looked like in my life and why it kept popping into my head.

This past week has been hard. This week is exactly the opposite of where I was mentally and physically just a short time ago.  I spent a wonderful stress free spring break, traveling from state to state, making glorious memories with my son. We both smiled, like real smiles that hurt your face. I laughed hard and so much that my stomach actually hurt. It was real, authentic fun and no stress! I left it all at home and was determined to make that week one my son would never forget. So that's exactly what happened. Returning from that break was to be hard, I expected that, but this hard?  Not what I could ever even dream.

I am a teacher. I work in the public school system and I feel 100%, without a doubt, that this is where God has placed me.  I love my job.  As tiring and taxing as it can be on some days, both mentally and physically, I LOVE it.  I get to be a part of shaping and molding the minds and hearts of tomorrows world. I know some say I am just a PE/Health teacher, but I think its a pretty important job.  I get to not only be the "fun" teacher, but I get to help students understand what "healthy" really is and educate them on sportsmanship and being kind all the while playing a bunch of games.  I LOVE MY JOB!   But this week, its been hard.  I miss teaching my kiddos, I miss seeing my co-workers, I miss my school.

Be careful of people that try to keep you where they met you.  I started teaching a few years ago.  I spent several years in the health industry before going back and getting my teaching certification. I knew I most certainly wouldn't be making the best living with my choice, but the underlying reason for teaching outweighed the financial differences.   Those who know my story, know that being a single mom has been a little rough at times, but I love what I do so I have always managed with the help of my friends and family and a whole lotta Jesus!  This week I haven't been in the classroom.  The overall system of education in Oklahoma has tried to keep us all where they met us.  Our kids deserve better and we are pushing to achieve that. It is stressful. But just as in most situations, I will manage.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will be able to get back to what I love.

I love my church.  I love the people that attend my church. God has been so good to us. God has blessed us with the most perfect building and location.  But this week, I am struggling with the sermon topic.  I will be honest, I love hearing Gods word until it strikes that nerve. You know the one.  Yep, that one that hits home and evokes the ugly cry face.  Pastor Kyle is preaching a fantastic sermon series (one that will be just what some people need to hear) over Some Assembly Required. Its a new series on Marriage and Relationships.  But of course, I heard marriage and immediately decided I didn't want to hear any of it.  I am over my divorce. I have forgiven my ex husband and moved past so much. I lead a single mom small group of Sunday nights. I feel like I am the poster child for moving on.  I can talk about my failed marriage all day long. Most of my friends are happily married.  So why am I stuck? Why am I uncomfortable in a room listening to what the Bible says about marriage?  Why can't I just read the title of the series and realize that any type of relationship will benefit from this series?  I am working diligently this week on prayerfully sitting in on the sermon. A mom from my small group offered a solution to me. She said I should approach the series with an open mind, maybe gathering information and insight on a future relationship or just apply what he is saying to every type of relationship I currently have.

I warned that this post was all over the place:)

Be careful of people that try to keep you where they met you.  So finally at the end of this blog, this sentence has some meaning.  In all of my struggles there is one common denominator. They are mine and usually I am the one party involved.  I struggle with my body image, always have and hopefully not always will. I yearn to have that metabolism of my college years, where I could eat a pizza at 2 am and run it off the next day.  Heck, these days I would just take the weight of a few years ago.  Today I took a walk around the lake and snapped a picture. The wind was blowing the water giving the air a chill. But there was this innate calmness that surrounded it.  In the 10 seconds I paused to take the photo, and in the hours that followed,  I realized a few things.

5.  God is really so very good.  He is my keeper and my strength. He can make me see the lesson in a quote  I got on my app.  He can bring people back into my life and show me the huge blessing they are. (He is that good)
4.  There is beauty in everything we see.
3.  Continue to pursue what I love despite the struggles that may ensue. Because being faithful to God lets him show off a little.
2.  Step out of the comfort zone. There is work to be done in the messy, even if its mine.
1.  Be careful of people that try to keep you where they met you because....that person may just be you.

I am guilty of a lot of things. I am by no means perfect but every day I choose to learn.  Today a quote and a picture of the lake taught me a huge lesson.  I learned its OK to love your job even when its not going as you would like it.  I also learned its OK to fight for what is right.  I learned that sometimes I need to hear the message and apply it where it needs to be applied. I  learned that old friends are still good friends and are really a blessing.  And I learned that I may never like my weight or my appearance but I am valuable to God. He loves me no matter what I look like.  I learned that I can make the decision to change and that change needs to be for the Glory of God. I want to look and feel better so I can use my knowledge and training to help others also! I want to take in all of his word so I can help others. I need Jesus in my life in every single aspect. I cannot do it alone.  That one sentence sure changed a lot of things.

Blessings
#futureme #goals #Godisgoodallthetime #SprinkleofJesus #bethelight

OK God but...

Anger. Sadness. Grief. Sickness. Tears. Suffering. Pain. To go further... school shootings, death, wars, natural disasters, and even divorce. Why do these things happen?  And why does it take tragedy or any negative emotion, feeling to get us to ask questions?

The world isn't what it used to be.  We live in a society where darkness has become the norm.  Where anger is the first response in place of kindness.  Where school shootings happen weekly.  Where divorce is used as a way out for something we don't want to work on anymore.  Where our children know more about social media than they ever should and bullying is no longer just taking someones lunch money.

When everyday life is full of sunshine and rainbows we don't think twice about anything and carry on daily without a question in mind. However, when something bad happens, we immediately want answers as to why our life has been disrupted and we need to know the "why".  Believers and non believers alike throw that question up to God like tossing a ball in a basket.  We demand answers and when we don't like the response or fail to get an answer we tend to place the blame on God shoulders, as if he is the cause of our pain and suffering.

I know I am guilty of this. Just this weekend I found myself in a anxiety ridden state, begging God for answers. I wanted to know what I did to deserve my tears, where I went wrong and why he was letting it happen.  I spent the good part of a nice weekend crying and unwilling to get past my anger.  And today, only after a dynamic message at church did I stop and realize it WAS NOT GOD.  He didn't rain on my parade. 

God is not in the business of breaking hearts and tearing up the wonderful world he created.  He shares in our suffering. He holds our tears.  A long time ago, two people sinned.  Their sins set the world on a path of destruction as we were given free will to make bad choices.  Some of those bad choices hurt innocent people.  I know first hand what its like to be hurt and have nothing to do with it.  I didn't ask for my life to be changed so dramatically.  I didn't ask for the ongoing battle I face daily.  But I can't blame God.  Sure I want answers.  Don't we all.  Who doesn't want to know why they have lost a loved one or why their spouse doesn't want to work at their marriage anymore.  Or why people hold the value of life with no regard.  

We need to look for those answers in our own lives and in the lives of those around us.  God's goal is to redeem a broken society, to redeem all of creation.  That's the perfect plan.  We all have a moral compass.  That free will I mentioned earlier?  We know right from wrong. We know what/who we should be surrounding ourselves with.  I read earlier this week a devotion on yearning.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in what might have been when things aren't too rosy in your own garden. I am a frequent day dreamer.   What we do with our choices is on us and not on God.  We are the navigators of our own moral compass.

So how do we fix this? I know for me I have to give God credit for all the good things in my life.  For the rain and the sun. For waking up each morning.   For my precious son.   For my friends and my family (I still talk to my mom daily).  For my church.  But most importantly because he sent his son to die for all of us and we have eternal, peaceful life through him.  I need to practice kindness, especially to those who aren't necessarily kind to me. I need to teach my son the same things.  Kindness breeds kindness. Smile at someone you don't know.  BE THE LIGHT in this dark world.

Shine for JESUS!