Tuesday...
I have so many thoughts today that I want to share with you. I can't. I have to keep them bottled up inside. I know my friends are tired of hearing about it. I have exhausted them. So I guess this is the point I keep it inside or it comes out here. No phone calls today. No exhausting table talks. Nothing. Just me and my thoughts and my pleas to Christ to end this stupidness and bring us back together where we are supposed to be.
I met you in church. I made fun of you. And it attracted you. I would come up with a million insults and a conversation full of our witty banter for the chance to have us again. I can't make the promises you want. I can't tell you she doesn't bother me. I can't tell you that your relationship with her doesn't hurt me. Dating a broken man hurts because you get just enough of him to fall in love. To get attached. To get pushed away.
Today the tears come in buckets. They come freely and continuously like a faucet that is worn from overuse. Because I miss you. I miss us today. I miss the days when she wasn't in our faces. I keep telling myself to mow my own lawn. Today would have been the day I went with you to work. I keep telling myself you miss me too. I tell myself that you're taking this time to figure it out, to defuse, to think. I keep telling myself you'll call or stop by. God hears my heart. He's holding my buckets. He's giving me the strength to write all this down. God knows, he's here with me. He provides that one breath that slows my heart rate. He is talking to you too. Listen to him and come back.
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